Sometimes when I think about it, I get all excited to sit down at my computer and start writing again. Especially after receiving feedback from the few individuals who I've asked to read it. When they say it's good, that it's really good, it motivates me so much.
Then life gets in the way.
Diapers need changed, meals need to be served, baths need to be given, stories need read, little ones need to be tucked in.
And after all that, I'm usually too exhausted to open up my manuscript and write. There just aren't enough hours in the day, it seems.
Do I at least get points for thinking about it? Because I think about it a lot. Usually more than once a day.
Sometimes I think I should sit down and at least outline the major points I hope to cover in this story of living my life as a parent with bipolar disorder. You know, an intro, middle and ending. Tie it up with a neat little bow.
The last person who read it and sent me feedback {incredible, detailed, awesome feedback, let me just say} had a good point: it's hard to outline the book because it's not finished yet. I'm still living this life that I am writing about.
Speaking of not being finished. My husband and I are so incredibly grateful to have two precious little ones, a girl and a boy, nonetheless. Sometimes I think we hit the jackpot. Especially since I took medication during my second pregnancy. But I had a surprising feeling emerge after the birth of our daughter.
I don't think I'm done yet.
Surprising because I had intense morning sickness during her pregnancy. So much so, that I took Zofran for six weeks. I had early contractions that sent me to the hospital for monitoring overnight, not once, but twice before she was born. I had awful heartburn almost daily, a bladder that constantly felt as if it were going to explode, and a good night's sleep was distant, distant memory.
But the day after she was born, I knew I could do it again. My husband used to say that he always wanted to have three kids. He and I were both the product of 2-kid families, and I could see his interest in maybe adding another to the mix, but I thought I only wanted two myself. After we found out she was a girl I proclaimed we were done. Then she arrived and I instantly forgot about all the discomfort that the pregnancy caused.
I think you just have that feeling as a woman. You know when you are done and when you're not. And I don't think I'm done yet, plain and simple.
Know it or not, we're not planning on crossing that bridge yet. And so the story isn't truly finished yet. If we do go on to have another child, one thing is for sure: I will continue on Lithium during the entire pregnancy. There is an increased risk of a heart defect, but the benefit of my staying on medication - the medication that works so well for me - vastly outweighs the risk of taking the medication during a pregnancy, for me. For me, and the experience I've had thus far, it's a no-brainer.
So for now, I will go to the manuscript from time to time to tweak and write, but my focus at the moment will be this blog and reaching people through this medium. There are so many ways to reach people, and I hope one day to be in print, but right now I think that one of the best ways is through blogging about my journey.
I will blog on.
