My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward

Feb 4, 2014 - One of my dear friends from college sent me a link to The Moth podcast on which Mark Lukach told his story about supporting his wife through her struggle with mental illness. On May 2, 2017 Mark published his first book, My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward. 

Two weeks after my friend Jen sent me the link to Mark's story, we were on vacation in Florida for my grandmother's 90th birthday. I sat my family down - Ben, my mom and my dad - around the kitchen table to listen together. Tears flowed. Giulia's story had so many parallels to my own. I was so moved and impressed by how her husband could articulate what he had went through as he watched her struggle with her illness, helpless at times but he never gave up on getting her well.

In reading Mark's book, I had a glimpse of what my family and husband must have gone through during the early stages of my illness. The research, navigating the system, figuring out how to best support me as I called my parents sobbing every day for a year. Actually, their response to my depression seemed intuitive. Both my parents were so supportive and patient with me as I struggled to understand what was happening to me. My mom and I are similar in our typical impatience with nearly everything, but this was different. It must have hurt them to see me in such pain. 

This was brought to light in Mark's storytelling. He was able to so eloquently take the reader into the thoughts and emotions running through his mind as he watched his wife lose hers. I often think about how terrifying it must have been for Ben and my family to see me lose control of my thinking. To this day Ben has a hard time talking about it.

My guess is this book was as therapeutic and healing for Mark to write as participating in This Is My Brave has been to me and my storytellers. Each time we are able to unpack those complicated memories from our experiences with mental illness, we relieve the burden of holding onto those heavy secrets. 

Loving someone who lives with a mental health issue is definitely not easy. But I don't think a person has ultimate control over who they fall in love with. And with the statistics on the number of people living with mental health issues, chances are high most relationships face these challenges. In our case, and in Mark and Giulia's, the journey only made us stronger. It changed my relationship with Ben for the better and I wouldn't change a thing. My guess is Mark and Giulia wouldn't either.

To order My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward, use our This Is My Brave Amazon Smile link and we'll earn a tiny donation. {I had pre-ordered the book and was lucky to receive this beautiful coloring page from Mark and Giulia's son Jonas when it shipped in February. Been meaning to write this review ever since.}

Fun side note: Since connecting with Mark and Giulia on Twitter a few years ago, we're hoping to meet in person this summer since Mark's family still owns a beach house at Bethany Beach and my parents just bought one. It's neat when internet friends meet up in person. Today is also Mark's Birthday! Happy Birthday, Mark!

Conversations on heaven

We're in the midst of a season of change. I'm doing what I can to hold onto summer, while simultaneously longing for fall to begin already. I'm ready for brisk breezes, crispy leaves crunching under my Uggs as I walk to the bus stop to pick up my now-First Grader from another day at school, preschooler in tow.

With only a handful of potential pool days left, I piled the kids in the car last week for a couple of hours at our neighborhood pool before dinnertime. The air was warm, I had the radio on, and the kids were carrying on their own little conversation in the backseat while I sang along to a country pop tune. As the song came to an end, Vivian piped up and caught me off guard with a serious question.

"When are we going to die, Mommy?"

Whoa. Where did this come from? Had that last song mentioned dying as some country songs do?

Before I could even address her curiosity, her brother dove into his own explanation.

"When God calls you back to heaven, Vivi. He's the only person who knows when we'll die."

Wow. Are my four and six year olds really discussing death?

And before I could ask him where he had learned this bit of wisdom, I remembered.

I remembered how I told them about Anna's son Jack and his accident when they saw me reading Rare Bird last year. God called Jack home to heaven four years ago.

No one knows how much time we have. There are no guarantees.

I am not an intensely religious person, although I do believe in God and I believe there is a heaven. I do believe there is another phase after our lives here. I am hopeful I'll meet all the people I've loved through life in heaven eventually. My heart tells me this place we're in now is just the preparation for what's next.

Rare Bird taught me so many things, and I truly feel it's a book that everyone should read for the wisdom Anna shares within its pages. We never know when life will throw us a curve ball. Something that may knock us down so hard that we fear we may never be able to get back up. And yet, Anna did just that, and continues to face each day with grace and love and kindness.

I constantly think about life and death, and question whether I'm making the most of my time. I have my good days and bad days, like everyone else. I think as long as we love deeply and treat every day as the true gift it is, we're living a good life.

Jack lived a very good life. Much too short, but he's home now. In heaven with God. And as Anna says in this new video about the book, it's not as far away as she had thought.

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/embed/1nMdzh8ss9Y[/embed]

Rare Bird comes out in paperback in a week, but you can pre-order it on Amazon now.

Sending love to Anna, Tim and Margaret, this week and always. Thinking of Jack and the memories {and God winks} he blessed them with, some of which are described within the pages of Rare Bird.

Follow Anna's blog: AnInchOfGray, her Facebook page for the book, and her author page for info on readings and events.

Good Cop, Bad Daughter - Book Review & Giveaway

In November of 2012, I attended my first writer’s conference on Sanibel Island in Florida with a pen in hand and the nervous anticipation of a freshman on day one of English 101. I couldn’t wait to learn tips and technique from the master presenters and instructors, and was eager to practice my craft during the workshops and through the homework they assigned.

The conference was incredible and after meeting such inspiring, brilliant talent - in both the faculty and attendees alike - I left there with the confidence to finally call myself a writer. I came home with renewed drive and ambition, ignited by the tribe I had surrounded myself with all weekend.

The schedule was packed so there was little time to talk to other attendees in between classes, but I did have a chance to make a few strong connections and we’ve kept in touch over social media and email. One of the friends I met at Sanibel was Karen Lynch. She had just finished reading a piece aloud in class, and it was so vivid and stunning, I had to compliment her afterwards. As usually the case when you strike up a conversation with a fellow writer at a conference, we asked each other what we were working on. It just so happened we had the topic of mental illness as common subject matter.

We exchanged email addresses and promised to keep in touch and I was thrilled to learn that her book was recently published - the same book from which she had read an excerpt in class at Sanibel. When her publisher contacted me via email to see if I’d like to review the book and do a giveaway, I jumped at the opportunity to read it before it was released.

Amazon Book Description

Publication Date: February 3, 2014

Karen Lynch was an unlikely person to become one of the first female cops in San Francisco. Raised by a counter-culture tribe in summer of love Haight-Ashbury, she was taught to despise “The Man.” But when the San Francisco Police Department was forced by court order to hire women, she found herself compelled to prove to the world that women could cut it as cops, a betrayal that caused her police-loathing mother to brand her a Nazi.

Good Cop, Bad Daughter is an often humorous, poignant adventure story of Karen’s journey from pot-smoking Cal student, to Renaissance bar serving wench, to street cop. Recounting the story of the first women cops, she reflects on life with her bi-polar mother, and comes to realize her chaotic past unwittingly provided the perfect foundation for her chosen career.

As she finds family and acceptance in a men’s club that never wanted her as a member, she fears she will one day face her mother, not as a daughter but as an arresting officer. When that day came, and it did, her private life and her career would collide dramatically.

As a mother living with bipolar disorder, the book’s description definitely intrigued me. Karen survived what can only be described as an unfathomable childhood at the hands of an unmedicated, mentally ill mother. I was sucked in from the first chapter and couldn’t stop reading.

Despite the lack of adult supervision and guidance throughout her upbringing, Karen found the fortitude within her to hold on and forge ahead. The spontaneous cross-country and international travel excursions at the hands of her mother were riveting and her determination to make it through the police academy had me cheering for her to cross the finish line.

Karen’s ability to relive her tumultuous early years on the page with honesty and without shame is what makes this such a compelling book. She provides the reader with an inside view into the life of someone struggling for survival because her mother is failing at fighting the internal demons of mental illness. Those years of struggle and the gut-wrenching resilience that got her through created the perfect prelude to her future career as a cop.

This is a story about how one woman channeled her pain and sense of abandonment and used the energy to create a better life for herself and her family. Good Cop, Bad Daughter is a book you won’t soon forget.

Enter to win a signed copy of Good Cop, Bad Daughter: Memoirs of an Unlikely Police Officer! (Available NOW via Amazon on Kindle or in paperback!) US and Canada only, please.

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In-Between is Right Where I Want To Be

Have you ever thought about how you spend your in-between time? I wrote about it recently, but since picking up a unique read, I felt the need to write on the topic again. 

A writer who I truly admire, for his way with words as much as his generous drive to teach amateur writers how to hone their craft, is releasing a new book this week called The In-Between: embracing the tension between now and the next big thing. Part memoir, part self-help, Jeff Goins takes the reader on a journey through his life’s most important in-betweens. Jeff describes how he has learned to slow down and appreciate the time spent waiting for the next major event, because sometimes those minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even years can be the most fulfilling aspects of our lives.

I agree completely.

{an excerpt}

“We all want to live meaningful lives full of experiences we can be proud of. We all want a great story to tell our grandchildren. But many of us fail to recognize that the best moments are the ones happening right now.

Maybe the “good stuff” isn’t ahead of or behind us. Maybe it’s somewhere in between. Right in the midst of this moment, here and now. Maybe Annie Dillard is right. Maybe what we call “mundane,” what feels boring and ordinary, is really how we spend our lives. And we have an opportunity to make of it what we will - to resent its lack of adventure or rejoice in its beauty. Perhaps, the abundant life we’ve been seeking has little to do with big events and comes in a subtler form: embracing the pauses in between major beats.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kohp0qCM9Jo&w=560&h=315]

I daydream about this concept of “in-between” often. Maybe because I’ve spent most of my life anticipating each subsequent milestone. My parents often joked I was “10 going on 25” because it was as if I could hardly wait to grow up so I could start working to accomplish my dreams. Looking back on my childhood I can totally agree with this playful teasing, since I struggle to recall basic, everyday memories others can drum up so easily. I was too caught up in what was way up ahead that I missed out on the fun happening right in front of me.

The only thing that is certain is the moment we are in right now. {Tweet that.}

I like to believe that I’ve enjoyed the in-betweens in my life thus far, but truth be told there are plenty I could have appreciated more than I did. Jeff’s book is teaching me to value every day of my life as much as the last because the next day is never a guarantee. Time passes so quickly that if we don’t pay attention, it can slip right through our fingertips. I want to live each day full of gratitude for today and for all those dreams I have yet to accomplish.

If you haven't picked up Jeff's book yet, go buy it now. I have a feeling you won't be able to put it down and it will leave a lasting impression, as it did for me.

My 10 Favorite Children's Books

“You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children." ― Madeleine L'Engle

School's out for summer! I know we'll be taking lots of long walks to the library and the pool this summer. Which got me thinking about writing a post on my favorite children's books.

Someday, I will share my story with my kids. When the time is right. For now, we spend the time after bath before we shut the light for the night, snuggling up, lost within the pages of these magical stories.

Many of these have been gifts to our children, but a few were saved from their parents' own collections. There is no greater hand-me-down than a favorite book. I'm thankful to my mother-in-law and my mom for saving our childhood reading materials to pass on to our own kids.

Here are my ten favorite children's books (as of this moment), in no particular order. I'm including my favorite line from each.

• Pete the Cat - I Love My White Shoes by Eric Litwin ~ "No matter what you step in, keep walking along and singing your song..."

• On the Night You Were Born by Nancy Tillman ~ "Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born."
• The Two Cars by Ingri & Edgar Parin d'Aulaire ~ "Their motors liked the cool night air and purred like kittens."
• Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson ~ "There was nothing but pie. But there were all nine kinds of pie that Harold liked best."

• My Name is Not Isabella by Jennifer Fosberry ~ "I am Rosa, the greatest, bravest activist who ever was!"
• Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein ~ favorite poem: "The Land of Happy"
• The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein ~ "Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
• Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site by Sherri Duskey Rinker & Tom Lichtenheld ~ "Tomorrow is another day, another chance to work and play."

• The Empty Pot by Demi ~ "By and by the whole year passed."
• That Rabbit Belongs to Emily Brown by Cressioa Cowell & Neal Layton ~ "I don't care WHO she is," said Emily Brown. "This rabbit belongs to ME. And his name isn't Bunnywunny. It's STANLEY."

Is yours on the list? If not, please share in the comments! We're always looking for our new favorite.