You stand in the line just to hit a new lowYou're faking a smile with the coffee to go They tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces every time And I don't need no carryin' on
~ Daniel Powter, lyrics to Bad Day {2005}
This song conjures up all kinds of emotions for me. It debuted in the US in early 2006, right around the time when I had returned to work after my first two hospitalizations. I was fragile. I was sick. The level of anxiety which pulsed through my blood was so high I could barely keep my hands from shaking at times. I had been having many bad days, not just "a" bad day. And this song would come on over the radio on my commute home from the office almost every evening.
The tears would start to flow and it was so hard to get them to stop.
I knew what I had to do, although it broke me to pieces to have to do it.
Resigning from a career I had worked so hard for, I had poured so many hours of my life into, was one of the most difficult {and yet, at the same time, simple} turning points in my life. Only I didn't know it was a turning point at the time.
It felt like I was digging myself a grave to crawl into. Like I would never be ever to build myself up to the high point I had reached in my industry.
I had lost every ounce of confidence that used to flow so easily from my voice, my mannerisms, my personality. Much of 2006 was consumed with crying spells, crippling anxiety, and self-doubt that I would ever be able to return to my former identity.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH476CxJxfg?rel=0]
When that song comes on the radio these days, I think back on the low moments of my past when I was first diagnosed and realize that I've come a long way.
Man, have I come a long way.
I've learned that there are times in our lives which are going to be uncomfortable, dismal, and scary. We just need to stay positive as much as possible, lean on friends and family for support, and know that there is sunshine after the storm.