Turning 42 in COVID

I turned 42 this past week and it was such a magical birthday. Yes, even despite the fact that COVID is still making this year suck as much as last year. Maybe my expectations were lower? Or maybe I was able to focus on all the good things in my life instead of thinking of all the things that I’m missing right now. (I’m becoming less of a pessimist in my old age.)

My birthday eve was sweetened by a visit from my BFF Erica stopping by for a quick afternoon walk while her girls were at their dance class. She brought a gift from my crew - my oldest friends from childhood went in together on a bottle of sparkling wine and heart-shaped French macarons. And Erica gave me the perfect book, Afoot and Lighthearted - a journal for mindful walking. So perfect because if there’s any silver lining to the pandemic it’s that I’ve discovered a love of walking the countless paths of our neighborhood.

The day started off with my kiddos bursting into my room at 6:30am. They climbed into bed and sandwiched me, and we snuggled together like an Oreo cookie. Vivi had a surprise that she said she needed to bring up before the cats got into, and I had a feeling she had made me breakfast. A few minutes later Owen was opening the door for his sister as she brought in a baking sheet with coffee (with cream) and a chocolate chip pancake with coconut flakes for hair and berries and bananas for my face and ears. It was so sweet.

I was a little suspicious when everyone showed up at our 9am team meeting without their cameras on. But as soon as the last team member signed on, they all came on camera to surprise me with a little zoom birthday party. Everyone had crazy hats and virtual backgrounds that said, “Happy Birthday Jenn!” which was adorable. I felt very loved.

Looking forward to my next sweet birthday.

Why I'm hopeful for the future despite COVID-19

It’s been four months since coronavirus came to light in the US and regular, everyday life changed pretty drastically for the majority of us. We’re now used to wearing masks whenever we go anywhere outside the home, haven’t been many places other than the grocery store and the pharmacy, and zoom calls have become the norm.

My kids’ school and activities came to a screeching on March 12th, and my anxiety soared through the roof the week of March 16th, as I grappled with how to juggle full-time work, homeschool and keeping my sanity. I went through a week of hypomania, difficulty sleeping and intense anxiety, but through it all, I knew I was going to be fine. I am very fortunate to have a strong support system and access to care. I addressed my mental health needs before they got to a tipping point, which I hadn’t been able to do in the past.

Previous experience came in handy

Right when I noticed my symptoms coming on (broken sleep, anxiety rippling through my body much of the day, uneasy stomach which made the thought of food intensely unappealing), I immediately contacted my psychiatrist to set up an urgent appointment. (In fact, I texted her at 5:23am, which in hindsight could have waited until at least 7am, but I was being proactive one morning when I couldn’t sleep.) Because we were under a Stay-at-Home order by the Governor of the State of Virginia, my psychiatrist’s office had to convert all appointments to telehealth. Nationwide, fast-acting measures were taken by Congress to ease restrictions on telehealth services, to make it easier for doctors to see their patients virtually. My doctor was able to switch to a telehealth setup rather quickly, and I was able to get an appointment within about a week of requesting the appointment.

With a week and two days until my appointment, I was forced to do my best to keep my hypomania from accelerating into mania on my own until I could see my doctor. I knew from my years of living with bipolar that sleep was the most important thing to take care of, so I focused on carefully using the medicine I had on hand to address my sleeplessness. Following my past prescriptions for sleep medicine, I took the appropriate dose each night and forced myself to sleep.

Looking out for our mental health should be routine, because: life

I knew I’d be okay because I have an incredible support system and access to good care. I see my therapist weekly, and when I saw my psychiatrist we made a plan with a new medicine and I got the prescription filled that day. Still, it was a scary week and a half, plus another week or so of adjusting to a new medicine. Even when you're really good at taking care of your mental health, when something like COVID-19 happens out of nowhere, it's natural for us to feel off balance. We're only human, after all. 

I’m doing my best to take care of my mental health and set a good example for my kids. Which wasn’t easy when my anxiety soared about the uncertainty COVID-19 brought. What helps me is knowing that the entire world is in this together. As much as I try not to dwell on the fact that so much of this year has been disappointing (our spring break trip to Zion National Park trip in March was cancelled, our kids’ summer swim season was cancelled, and not being able to gather with friends like we used to - all has brought me down), I do allow myself to vent when I feel the need to release the tension of so many things being so different this year.

To alleviate my bouts of mild depression over the past few months, I’ve turned to long walks, jogging when I feel inspired, and meditations using the free app Insight Timer. These coping skills, in addition to getting outside every day for some sunshine to allow my body to soak up the Vitamin D, has helped tremendously. In the beginning of quarantine I got into TikTok, but have since deleted the app and my presence on it due to security concerns I read about. It’s taken me time to adjust to letting go of expectations and allowing the kids to navigate this time in their own way. Vivian is spending a lot of time in the kitchen trying different recipes and creating delicious masterpieces (while leaving a tornado of dirty dishes in her wake), while Owen is teaching himself coding and has created a new game in Roblox that he’s quite proud of.

I’m grateful for this time we’re having as a family, and all the extra time we’re enjoying together. Time with friends who don’t live close has become more regular with our Friday/Sunday evening zoom happy hours which we’ve kept going over these past four months. And no swim season has given us flexibility for the first time ever to visit my parents at the beach whenever we want. This season of uncertainty has helped me to remember what’s important in life, and how I want to not take things like hugs, traveling for work and pleasure, and in-person get-togethers for granted. Mental health has been thrust into the forefront because of COVID-19, which is one positive that’s come out of this pandemic. I’m looking forward to when we no longer have to worry about staying six feet apart, but until then, I’m doing my best to take advantage of this slower pace of life.

10 Beautiful Takeaways From the Past Decade

There’s something about the past ten years that makes me feel incredibly optimistic about the next decade.

But before I get too far into thinking about the future, I want to take time to reflect on what I want to take-away from the decade we just kissed goodbye. I thought I’d dust off my old blog to share with you these little nuggets in case they might help someone out there.

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